If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
