Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
