Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
