somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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