You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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