So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
COCAINE IS GR8
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
