Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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