Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
