You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
