So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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