Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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