Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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