Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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