yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
