Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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