Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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