She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
