it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
