I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
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