Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
