i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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