all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
