Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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