You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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