I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we made out on top of his cat.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Bring me that man meat
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
