I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She told me I should be a condom model.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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