Sponge bath it is.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
