Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
