I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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