bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
