I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
