Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
