Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
pop tarts are not kleenex
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
