that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
