A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
