I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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