I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My ass is underappreciated
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
