watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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