Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
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One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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