iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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