careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
