you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
