I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
