After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
