it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
