What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
