3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
