I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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