She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
