he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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