I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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