I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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