God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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