with your own penis?
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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