Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
