You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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