wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he puts the penis in happiness.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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