see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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