Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
