i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
