a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
