when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
