Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize