i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
