I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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