that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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