Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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