You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
