Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
