Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize