If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
