I swear she didn't look like that last week.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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