haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
