I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
