Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
