so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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