The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
