You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
