I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
