ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
