this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
