If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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