my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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