saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
