i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize