I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
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It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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