How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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